I was thinking about all the times that I felt lonely and isolated, and one time in particular popped into my head. I had packed the boys up to spend time at their dad’s. And the whole time that I was hugging them and kissing them, inside my head, tears were starting to build up.
Up until when I transitioned through divorce, I spent most of my time with the boys. I saw them take their first steps. I was there for their first words, and fed them their sweet potatoes and fruits, all for the first time. I had experienced all the firsts, all the love and all the hugs, everything. Since my work was flexible, I was able to be around all of the time.
But this particular day, as they were saying goodbye to me and running to the car to say hi to their dad, I stood on the porch. I waved goodbye with a big smile on my face. But as I turned around, the tears started to pour out. I don't know how long I laid down on the floor, but it was quite a long time. I just bawled and bawled.
This happened every time they would go to their dad’s. I knew they needed to spend time with their dad just as much as they needed to spend time with me but I just missed them so much.
I knew I needed to do something about this. I needed to be more productive during the times they weren't there with me. I needed to stop feeling so, so lonely. So I did a lot of reading among other things. But the one thing that really helped me out personally, I worked with a coach and I worked with a therapist. I began reading. I began meditating, I began journaling. Christmas is always a difficult time to be alone. So one Christmas, I decided that as soon as they left, I was going to put my running shoes on and start jogging.
And that's exactly what I did. Yeah, I was still crying at first, but I did it. I jogged, I walked, and when I got back home I felt a little bit better. So slowly, one thing at a time, I made plans to help with my drastic feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Loneliness is something that everyone experiences when transitioning through divorce. It's part of the journey and the process. The thing with friends and family is you can lean on them, talk to them, be with them, but eventually they have nothing else to offer you. They've got nothing else to say. I have got a great group of friends. Our kids have all grown up together. But the thing is, my friends are all married. I was the only one going through a divorce, so for me to expect them to understand what I was going through and be able to help me every day and all of the time was actually unfair of me.
So I decided was to transition through divorce on my own, with my coach, with my books, with my meditative practice and everything that was helping me feel better. I decided to do this for me. And, I decided that my friends would be a great example for my boys to show them that divorce doesn't have to happen to everyone.
I think the real shift happened when I became aware of loneliness and isolation in my life, and I decided that I needed to do something about it.
If you want to make shifts in your life, you will have to do something that is a little bit uncomfortable, even a little bit scary. So spend some time with yourself and get in touch with what I call “The Wise Her”. She's in there. She knows what is best for you. You might not be listening but she's speaking to you all the time. So just listent to her and then maybe write down what she is saying. Maybe she is telling you what you'd like to do today, what your dreams are, what your hopes are, what your goals are, what your family will be like, what work you want to do.
Listen to her and write a little story. Being alone and feeling alone are two different things and my goal is to help you learn how to be by yourself, make you feel a 100% comfortable and confident in your presence alone and not feel alone.
I hope to inspire you. I hope to give you that little boost of confidence that will help you move forward just a teeny bit to create massive shifts in your life. My own divorce journey was the reason why I chose to become a divorce coach. If you feel like you need some help channeling your inner voice, you can schedule a call with me. I help women go through divorce gracefully and build a positive space for themselves and their families during this time.
Remember, you are strong, you are capable, and you are not alone.
Wendy
xoxo
Comments